Part 13 of 17 in Rethinking Childhood: An Indian Parent’s Guide
Last week, I found myself in a conversation with a young founder about the value of mistakes. She was stuck in the belief that every misstep was a mark against her potential as an entrepreneur. It struck me as eerily familiar — a sentiment I’d seen often, not just in founders but in patients, students, and yes, even in myself. It made me ponder the lessons we’ve absorbed, lessons so deeply ingrained that they distort our perceptions and limit our potential. Many of these lessons, I believe, are the byproducts of our schooling system.
Let me be candid. The school system taught me many things, but some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned came from unlearning what school had instilled in me. And I’m not alone in this realization. In my journey as an IVF specialist and an angel investor, I’ve encountered numerous individuals whose growth was stifled by the schooling mindset. Here’s what I mean.
1. Unlearn the Fear of Mistakes
The school system punishes mistakes with red ink and lost marks. In life, however, mistakes are often the tuition fee for invaluable skills. I remember the anxiety on a patient’s face when discussing a failed IVF cycle. In that moment, it was crucial to emphasize that every failure taught us something new, something that brought us closer to success. Similarly, in the startup world, failure is not just an option; it’s a necessity for growth. The lesson here is simple: praise the repair, not the pretense of perfection. Encourage the young and old alike to share their errors, not hide them. This openness to failure is what I believe can transform anxiety into opportunity.
2. Unlearn the Need to Fit In
Growing up in India, I often felt the pressure to conform — to take the same paths as my peers, to follow the same societal norms. But conformity, as comforting as it seems, is timid. The founders I’ve backed, those who dared to forge their own paths, often stood out because they didn’t fit the mold. They were the ones who took apart radios when others were memorizing equations. They wrote poetry in Tamil when others were preparing for engineering exams. This courage to be different, to follow one’s unique passion, is what truly drives innovation.
3. Unlearn Waiting for Instructions
“Ma’am has not told us how.” If there’s a sentence that worries me more than any other, it’s this. In the clinic and the boardroom, I look for individuals who don’t wait for permission to act. The self-taught child, much like a founder with a vision, does not wait for the worksheet to arrive. They begin, fumble, and learn from their own experiences. This proactive approach is what separates the doers from the dreamers, the leaders from the followers. It’s the same spirit I admire in students who take the initiative to explore, to question, and to create.
4. Unlearn Learning “Just in Case”
Our education system often packs children’s minds with information they might need “someday.” Yet, when that day comes, the knowledge often proves elusive. Real expertise, in my view, is learned just-in-time. It’s the ability to learn on demand, to find, test, and use information when it’s needed. This adaptability is what I see in successful startups and resilient patients alike. It’s not about hoarding facts but about cultivating the skill to acquire new knowledge as challenges arise.
5. Unlearn the Fear of Questioning Authority
Respect for elders is ingrained in our culture, and while it’s a virtue, silence in the face of nonsense is not. I’ve seen families where children are discouraged from questioning authority, leading to adults who can be sold anything — even the next overpriced coaching package. In contrast, the most insightful conversations I’ve had with students and patients have stemmed from their willingness to ask, “How do we know?” This questioning attitude is essential not just in education but in all aspects of life.
Reflecting on these lessons, I am reminded of Vikram, a thirteen-year-old in Jaipur who challenged his civics lesson. His parents encouraged him to maintain two notebooks: one for school and one for his thoughts. This simple act of questioning, of maintaining a personal record of beliefs, is profound. It cultivates a habit of independent thinking that schools often overlook.
In the end, the most valuable education is one that encourages unlearning as much as learning. Whether in the operating room or in the startup ecosystem, the ability to challenge assumptions, embrace failure, and think independently is what leads to true innovation and growth. As we navigate our personal and professional journeys, let us remember to question the lessons we’ve been taught and have the courage to unlearn those that hold us back.
In this ever-evolving landscape of life, the true mark of success is not how well we fit into the mold, but how courageously we break free from it.