Part 16 of 17 in The Engaged Indian Teen
I’ve often found myself reflecting on the power of conversations, whether I’m speaking with a patient in my IVF clinic or a founder seeking investment. It’s these everyday interactions that reveal a lot about the values we hold and the relationships we nurture. This musing isn’t just about the words we choose but the intent behind them. It’s about engaging meaningfully, whether with our children, patients, or the founders we mentor.
Recently, I was struck by the simplicity yet profound impact of a small shift in the way we frame our questions. It’s a lesson I learned not from a textbook or a seminar, but from the everyday conversations that fill my life. When my daughter returned home from school one day, instead of asking, “Test kaisa gaya?” (How did the test go?), I tried something different. “Aaj kis ghante mein tum sabse zyada present the?” (During which hour were you most present today?) Her eyes lit up, and she started talking about her day in a way that was more enthusiastic and reflective. It struck me that the quality of our questions shapes the quality of our conversations.
In the realm of education, a sector I hold close to my heart, this approach can transform a child’s experience. When a child tells me that school feels useless, the knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Yahi system hai, habit daal.” (This is the system, get used to it.) But that doesn’t solve the problem. Instead, I ask, “Useless kaunsa hissa hai, teacher, chapter, pace, ya yeh feeling ki yeh tumhari life se juda nahi? Ek hissa chuno, uspe baat karte hain.” (Which part feels useless, the teacher, the chapter, the pace, or is it the feeling that it doesn’t relate to your life? Pick one part, let’s discuss it.) This way, the conversation becomes an exploration, not a dismissal.
As an investor, I’ve learned that the same principle applies when engaging with founders. It’s easy to get caught up in numbers and projections, but the real insight often comes from understanding the person behind the pitch. When discussing progress, instead of comparing them to their peers, I ask, “Which part of your vision still feels incomplete?” This not only encourages deeper reflection but also fosters a relationship built on trust and understanding.
This practice of reframing questions is not just limited to professional interactions but extends to personal ones as well. When my kids bring home their ranks, the initial instinct might be to compare them with the neighbor’s child. But I choose to ask, “Number baad mein. Pehle yeh batao, kaunsa idea is unit ka ab bhi adhoora hai?” (Let’s discuss the numbers later. First, tell me which concept from this unit still feels incomplete to you?) This approach encourages them to focus on understanding rather than competition.
The same applies when contemplating adding another class to a child’s schedule. The societal pressure is immense, and the default reasoning often is, “Sab log bhej rahe hain.” (Everyone is sending their kids.) But I’ve found it more effective to suggest, “Ek nayi class se pehle, ghar ke thirty minutes ko sachcha banaate hain. Agar phir bhi gap rahe, tab sochenge.” (Before adding a new class, let’s make the thirty minutes at home more meaningful. If there’s still a gap, then we’ll consider it.) It’s a gentle reminder to prioritize quality over quantity.
In this age where technology often does the homework for children, it’s easy to label it as cheating and demand, “Cheating hai, band karo.” (This is cheating, stop it.) However, a more constructive approach is to say, “Screen band. Ab mujhe bina dekhe samjhao. Agar nahi samjha sakte, kal AI se sawal karna, jawab nahi.” (Turn off the screen. Now explain it to me without looking. If you can’t explain, tomorrow, ask questions to AI instead of just seeking answers.) This not only challenges them to understand but also to engage with the material critically.
These scripts for everyday engagement aren’t just about changing words; they’re about shifting perspectives. They remind me of the time a simple question from a fertility patient changed my investment philosophy. It’s about being present, listening actively, and valuing the person across from you. Whether it’s a patient in my clinic, a founder in a pitch meeting, or my own child, the goal is to create a space where genuine understanding can flourish.
As I reflect on these scripts, I realize that they are tools for fostering authenticity over perfection, both in my professional and personal life. When we engage with authenticity, we invite others to do the same, and that creates a ripple effect of meaningful interactions. I’ve seen this play out in my clinic, where patients who feel heard are more likely to engage actively in their treatment. Similarly, founders who feel understood are more open to learning and adapting.
In conclusion, the scripts I share aren’t just for others; they’re reminders for myself to be more intentional, to ask questions that matter, and to engage in conversations that count. Whether in the clinic, the boardroom, or at home, these small shifts in dialogue can lead to profound changes in understanding and connection. So, the next time you’re about to ask a routine question, pause and consider: what conversation do you really want to have?