Part 8 of 17 in Rethinking Childhood: An Indian Parent’s Guide
As I sat in my clinic last week, the clamor of the waiting room filled with patients and anxious parents seeking guidance, I couldn’t help but recall an interaction I had with a young child. Not in the clinic, but at a family gathering where the grown-ups were busy talking about their achievements, their plans, and, inevitably, their children. A little girl, perhaps four or five years old, stood quietly beside her parents. Occasionally, they would point to her and announce, “She’s very shy,” or “She never listens.” The little girl, absorbing every word, remained silent. It struck me then — how often we forget that these young minds, though small, are fully aware and deserving of our respect.
In my experience both as a doctor and as an investor, I’ve come to realize the profound impact of respect on individuals, no matter their age. Respecting young minds is not about permissiveness or allowing them to run wild. It’s about acknowledging their presence, their feelings, and their thoughts as valid. It’s about treating them with the same dignity we expect for ourselves.
When I think about respect in the context of a three-year-old, it doesn’t mean letting them have their way with everything. Of course, you still say no to dangerous things like the electrical socket or running into the street. But respect means you don’t use shame as a shortcut. You don’t belittle a child for their fears or force them to perform like a puppet for guests. It means you tell the truth at their level of understanding: “We’re going to look at a school. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself. If you feel shy, shy is allowed.”
In our culture, we often quote the old wisdom but rarely do we live by it. Our stories are replete with children who were taken seriously. Nachiketa in the Katha Upanishad, Krishna’s playful yet profound childhood, and Eklavya’s dedication to learning — these narratives remind us that children are capable of deep thought and deserve to be heard. Yet, we name schools after these figures and run them as if curiosity were a discipline problem. Respecting young minds would mean we notice this contradiction.
A case that perfectly illustrates this is that of Kabir, a four-year-old who was always asked to recite poems when guests visited. His reluctance was seen as stage fright that needed to be ‘broken’. However, his mother noticed he simply didn’t want to be turned into entertainment. By respecting his choice, they found a child eager to share his creations and ideas, not on command, but when he felt heard and respected.
Practically speaking, respecting a young mind involves simple but profound actions. Kneel to speak at their height. Do not discuss their body, appetite, or personality in front of others. Offer them real choices within set limits. Apologize when you’re wrong — a short apology from a parent can teach a child about dignity. Protect their right to say no in safe domains, like refusing a hug or declining to perform on command. Use their name more often than labels.
Respect is the seed of agency. A toddler treated with respect becomes someone who expects to participate in their own life. Without it, we risk creating an adolescent who fights for autonomy that should have been nurtured from the start.
In the end, respecting young minds isn’t just about them; it’s about us. It’s about the kind of adults we strive to be — those who listen, who validate, and who remember that respect is the foundation upon which the future stands. Children are not just our future; they are our present, and they deserve to be treated as such.