Part 24 of 29 in Helping Your Children Learn: What Parents Need to Know← Part 23Part 25 →
I’ve been reflecting on the kinds of questions parents bring to me, both in my clinic and in my role as an angel investor in educational ventures. These questions often reveal more about the anxieties and pressures parents face than about the children themselves. They’re not asking about the best curriculum or the newest educational app; they’re asking about the fundamentals that underpin their child’s growth and happiness.
One question that frequently comes up is, “Will my child fall behind?” But behind whom, and at what? This question is a reflection of societal pressures more than anything else. If a child isn’t attending additional tuition classes, suddenly they’re considered ‘behind.’ Yet, what they truly need is a nurturing environment at home where reading, conversation, and critical thinking are valued. I’ve seen children who are pushed to be ahead at a young age become exhausted by their teenage years, some unable to tackle a page without adult assistance. It’s crucial to keep the long view, while not being careless about real exams and milestones.
Another common concern is, “We have no space and no time.” Parents feel overwhelmed, as if they need to provide more, do more, and be more. But sometimes the solution lies in subtraction. Cut one class, create a space with just a pot on the railing, or spend twenty minutes on the floor with your child. A small house shouldn’t be a reason to outsource parenting responsibilities. Instead of filling every available moment with structured activities, allow your child to explore and learn at their own pace.
“The grandparents will not agree,” some parents lament. This is often a struggle within joint families where generational differences can create tension. Instead of fighting philosophical battles, assign roles that grandparents naturally excel in, such as storytelling or cooking together. These activities can enrich a child’s life without the friction of homework supervision turning into a battleground. In my experience, you won’t win a philosophical argument in a joint family, but you can certainly win a practice.
Discipline is another topic that parents cautiously approach. Trust doesn’t mean that there is no bedtime or structure. Discipline in a household should be about maintaining a healthy environment where sleep, nutrition, communication, and safety are prioritized. It’s not about commandeering every hour of a child’s day. A child can be expected to clear her plate, but she should also have the freedom to explore her questions.
Then there’s the ubiquitous worry, “She only wants the phone.” It’s often because the phone is where she finds choices that matter to her. Reduce the time spent on screens and introduce materials and companionship during those hours. Allow boredom to set in, as it often leads to the rediscovery of one’s own ideas. I’ve shared before how questions ignite far more learning than algorithms.
Is Eklavya just more screen time? Not if it’s used like a dictionary—a tool for resolving doubts, not a constant feed. It’s designed without ads or addictive features for a reason. Establish rules: one doubt, in her words, then back to the task. For young children, your presence in the room is essential.
“But what if my child has a real learning difficulty?” parents ask. In such cases, companionship means seeking proper assessments and standing firm against dismissive relatives. A learning difficulty isn’t about more shame or harder tuition; it requires specialized methods, time, and a supportive adult who doesn’t turn the difficulty into a family narrative. The goal isn’t to ignore disabilities but to recognize that ordinary childhood isn’t one. For more on supporting your child, read my thoughts in Trust Yourself: A Guide for Indian Parents.
Finally, there’s the age-old justification: “I was brought up strictly, and I turned out fine.” Yes, many did. But some became compliant, afraid of a blank page, and called it fine because they had good marks. You can retain the love, manners, and expectation of effort while discarding the parts that made ignorance unspeakable. Your child shouldn’t inherit the room you were afraid in.
So, a question to sit with: Which of these questions is actually yours? Answer it not with a new philosophy, but with one practical change. Implement it and observe. Often, the most profound transformations come from the simplest shifts in perspective.