Part 18 of 19 in Trust Yourself: A Guide for Indian Parents← Part 17Part 19 →
I recently found myself reflecting on the overwhelming amount of advice that parents and educators are bombarded with every day. As a father, an IVF specialist, and an investor, I’ve seen how easy it is to get swept up in the chaos of trying to do everything perfectly. But perfection is a myth, and often, it’s the simplest, most human actions that make the most profound impact. This month, I decided to take a different approach—one that focuses less on external solutions and more on internal observations. Let’s call it “A Month You Can Actually Live.”
In my experience, both in the clinic and in the boardroom, the most effective strategies are those that are simple enough to actually be implemented. Whether you’re navigating the complexities of fertility treatments or the turbulent waters of startup investing, the key is to ground yourself in reality, to see and listen before acting. And so, I propose a month-long experiment rooted in observation and subtle, meaningful actions.
Week One: Data, Not Advice
I often see parents and founders alike overwhelmed by advice from experts, books, and online forums. It’s a cacophony of well-meaning but often contradictory suggestions that can leave you more confused than enlightened. This week, let’s set aside the noise. For parents, instead of seeking new parenting advice, take a moment each night to jot down three simple lines: what happened today, what you tried, and what changed. It’s about capturing raw data, not conclusions.
Similarly, for founders, rather than chasing the latest startup trends, focus on observing your team’s dynamics or your product’s performance in real time. This approach isn’t about ignoring expertise; it’s about gathering your own evidence before you act. In my practice, I’ve found that the most successful IVF treatments are those where patients are fully engaged and informed, not just passively following orders. The same is true for any endeavor.
Week Two: One Obvious Try
Once you’ve gathered data, it’s time for one obvious change. Pick a single friction point in your life—be it your child’s homework routine or a recurring issue in your startup’s operations. Observe it for three days, then change one obvious thing. Tell one person about this change, be it a spouse, a colleague, or a co-founder. The simplicity of this step is its power. You don’t need to overhaul everything at once. Sometimes, the smallest pivot can have the most significant impact.
In startups, I’ve seen how a single adjustment, like changing a meeting format or simplifying a product feature, can lead to breakthroughs. In parenting, perhaps it’s as simple as adjusting bedtime rituals. The point is to resist the urge to announce a grand transformation. Real change is often quiet and incremental.
Week Three: Free Time, By Subtraction
Our lives, much like our children’s schedules, are often filled to the brim with activities and obligations. This week, try canceling or pausing one outsourced hour. Replace it with unscheduled time—a stretch where nothing is planned. The aim isn’t to fill it with a ‘better’ activity but to allow space for genuine free time. In my own experience, whether with patients or startups, it’s in these unscheduled moments that the most authentic insights emerge.
If you find yourself or your child bored, wait longer than is comfortable. This isn’t about neglect; safety is paramount. But let the programming and structure fall away, even if just briefly. Notice what naturally draws your attention or your child’s. It’s amazing what creativity or clarity can arise when the over-scheduled chaos quiets down.
Week Four: Respect, In Public and In Private
Respect is foundational, whether we’re dealing with children, employees, or patients. This week, make it a point to avoid discussing marks or performance at social gatherings. If an apology is owed, offer it sincerely. Provide one real choice within a real limit, reinforcing autonomy rather than control.
In my clinic, I often find that respect and understanding between doctor and patient can make all the difference in treatment outcomes. It’s the same in any relationship. Have a conversation with a teacher or grandparent, not to pass verdicts but to share observations. Read something for yourself where your child can see you. Children often mimic what they see more than what they hear.
When the Month Shows a Real Problem
Sometimes, this month of observation and subtle action reveals more significant issues—a child who can’t hear well, a startup with a flawed business model, or a patient with an underlying condition we hadn’t noticed. Trust yourself to act on these revelations. Seek professional help that you can question and engage with, rather than blindly following.
For parents and founders, the enemy was never the expert or the doctor. It was the habit of relinquishing judgment before you’ve taken a good, honest look. This month isn’t about creating a ‘before and after’ transformation. It’s about staying in contact, being present, and learning to see what’s truly there.
In this world of relentless advice and information overload, sometimes the most revolutionary thing you can do is pause, observe, and trust your own judgment. Whether you’re raising a child, building a startup, or undergoing IVF, the value of your lived experience can’t be overstated. As I’ve learned through countless consultations and board meetings, it’s the human touch, the personal observation, and the genuine connection that often lead to the most meaningful outcomes.
Let this month be one you actually live, with all its messiness and beauty. After all, the goal is not just to move forward but to move forward with understanding and intention.