Part 7 of 17 in Rethinking Childhood: An Indian Parent’s Guide
I’ve been thinking about the peculiar madness that descends upon Indian metros every year around nursery admission time. It’s a frenzy that begins long before a child can even scribble her name. The scene is familiar: anxious parents, coaching centers, and bewildered toddlers. I witnessed this circus firsthand when a friend of mine, a parent in South Mumbai, narrated the ordeal of getting her three-year-old into a nursery school. The process had all the trappings of a high-stakes college application — interviews, waitlists, and even donations. The child was three.
This obsession with securing a spot in the “right” nursery is baffling. It is as if the future of the child hinges entirely on this one decision. But what are we really teaching our children when we drill them for these interviews? And what do we as parents learn in the process? I find myself pondering these questions, not just as a parent but also in my roles as a doctor and an investor, where the lessons from one field often illuminate the other.
In my experience as an IVF specialist, where I often deal with anxious parents-to-be, and as an angel investor, where I guide founders through the tumultuous startup journey, I’ve learned the importance of patience and resilience. Patients and founders alike face uncertainty, and how they navigate it often determines their success. But the nursery admission frenzy seems to bypass these virtues entirely. Instead, we teach our toddlers a dangerous lesson: your worth is determined by strangers during a brief performance. This is a lesson that, unfortunately, many carry into adulthood.
Take the case of Myra, a two-year-old I know. Her mother, Sneha, enrolled her in a “school readiness” batch, where Myra learned to recite words like “herbivore” before she could explain hunger. During the interview, Myra froze, unable to perform. The school rejected her, leaving Sneha apologizing to relatives while Myra developed a fear of the coaching center. Eventually, they found a playschool that valued childhood over performance, and Myra thrived. But I shudder to think what might have happened if she had been accepted into the first school. Myra would have learned that faking it was the way to succeed, and Sneha would have been validated in her panic-driven parenting strategy.
The tragedy here is not the rejection. Children are remarkably resilient, more so than we give them credit for. The real tragedy is the lesson they learn if they succeed under such pressure. We risk setting them on a path where they equate self-worth with external validation. This is a script that often leads to burnout, something I see all too often in both young adults and startup founders.
What can we do instead? For starters, we must stop training toddlers for interviews. If a school demands a performance from a three-year-old, that should tell us more about the school than about our child. Instead, choose settings that resemble the essence of childhood: outdoor play, storytelling, mixed-age interactions, and adults who engage with them at eye level.
If you find yourself navigating the labyrinth of points systems or lotteries, do the paperwork but resist the personality makeover. Protect your child’s sleep, playtime, and the presence of a caring adult. These factors are far better predictors of academic and personal success than any flashcard or coaching session.
The National Education Policy (NEP) 2020 champions a foundation based on play and discovery, yet many pre-primary institutions still resemble coaching centers. Policies, however well-intentioned, won’t rescue your child on a Monday morning. That responsibility lies with us, the parents.
As I reflect on this madness, I am reminded of my experiences with both patients and founders. In both domains, the pressure to perform, to succeed at any cost, can be overwhelming. But just as every IVF journey deserves a personalized treatment plan, every child’s educational journey should honor their individuality and innate curiosity. As I wrote in “Why I Believe Every IVF Patient Deserves a Personalized Treatment Plan”, personalization is key to genuine success.
In investing, I often advise founders to embrace the messiness of learning, as I do with my own children. This mindset encourages resilience and adaptability, qualities that are invaluable in both business and life. For a deeper dive into this philosophy, you might find my thoughts in “Why I Encourage Founders to Embrace the Messiness of Learning Like My Kids Do” insightful.
Ultimately, we must question why we perpetuate the nursery admission frenzy. Is it for the child, or is it a reflection of our own anxieties and desires? Our children deserve better than to be treated as applicants in the earliest years of their lives. They deserve to explore, to play, to be children. And we owe it to them to ensure their learning environment reflects that.
In closing, let us remind ourselves and our children: getting into the “right” school is not synonymous with growing well. As parents, educators, and society at large, we must redefine what success looks like for our children. It is not about performing for strangers but about nurturing a lifelong love of learning.