Women find it very hard to deal with failure after an IVF cycle , partly because they had such high expectations that they were definitely going to get pregnant in the first shot. Doctors are partly to blame for their heartbreak.
During the first consultation, doctors over-promise success , because they want the patient to sign up with them . They quote highly inflated success rates ( completely unverified and unverifiable) , and inspire confidence in the patient by telling her she is sure to get pregnant in their clinic.
During the IVF cycle, there is a lot of optimism, especially when things are going well. Most doctors don’t bother to share information with patients, who are clueless about medical minutiae. It’s much easier for the doctor to tell them everything is going well ( even when it isn’t), because then they don’t have to answer difficult questions from worried patients.
In order to keep up the patient’s spirits and hopes, even at the time of embryo transfer, they tell the patient she had a perfect cycle with perfect embryos and a great uterus lining , and was sure to get pregnant ! Patients are very happy to hear this reassurance, and are very pleased that they were so clever in choosing such a good clinic with such a great doctor , because they are sure they are going to get pregnant in the first cycle itself.
However, when they don’t get pregnant ( and the sad reality is that most patients don’t get pregnant in one cycle, no matter how perfect it may be), they find it very hard to come to terms with this reality . They start losing confidence , not only in their own biological capability to carry a pregnancy, but in the doctor’s competence and airy confidence as well.
They feel cheated, and many of them will then refuse to try another cycle in another clinic, because they no longer believe that IVF will work for them . They thus end up depriving themselves of their best chance of having a baby.
Interestingly there is another group of patients who takes a completely different approach . They are much better able to deal with the IVF emotional roller coaster ride because they reframe the failure . They are mature, and understand that even if this particular cycle failed , the doctor has obtained a lot of very useful information from it, which he can use in order to increase the chances of the next cycle working . After all, an IVF cycle is not just a treatment cycle – it provides invaluable useful diagnostic and prognostic data as well, which the doctor can use to tweak the protocol in the next cycle, and thus improve the chances of success. What went right ? What didn’t go right ? What can we do differently ?
The trick is to think of each IVF cycle as bringing you closer to a successful IVF cycle , and if you take this approach , you will find your IVF journey much easier , because your expectations will be much more realistic.
Need more guidance !
Please get your doubts resolved free using our chatbot which is powered by AI based on Dr Malpani’s 40 years of clinical expertise and experience at https://www.drmalpani.com/chat-w-chatbot/index.html. This will ensure you’re on the right path and potentially save significant costs in the long run.