Part 6 of 17 in Rethinking Childhood: An Indian Parent’s Guide
Parental Responsibility in Education: A Reality Check
I remember the moment vividly. A patient, who was also a parent, sat across from me in my clinic, juggling the stress of IVF treatments and the educational demands on her teenage son. She mentioned, almost in passing, that she had enrolled him in an elite coaching class. “They’ll take care of his future,” she said, as if signing a cheque had also signed away her responsibility. That’s when it hit me: we are trapped in a pervasive myth that education can be outsourced.
In India, the obsession with education is palpable. Parents will go to extraordinary lengths—sacrificing time, money, and sometimes their sanity—to secure what they believe to be the best educational opportunities for their children. But what happens after the fees are paid and the child is dropped off at the school gate? Many parents, perhaps unknowingly, step back as if the monetary transaction absolves them of further involvement. It doesn’t.
The Illusion of the “Complete” Institution
The idea that schools and coaching centers are complete ecosystems capable of nurturing every facet of a child’s development is a comforting delusion. I’ve often seen parents equate a “good school” with a complete education. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Schools, no matter how prestigious, have limitations. They operate on timetables and standardized assessments that can’t capture the nuances of individual learning.
Coaching centers are even more specialized. Their focus is singular: to get the child past a cut-off. If something breaks in the process—be it the child’s curiosity or mental health—it rarely makes it to the brochure. As Narayana Murthy once pointed out, the rote-learning model prevalent in places like Kota is a disservice to children who need to learn how to engage creatively with real-world problems. Yet, we continue to buy into it because of societal pressure—because the neighbor’s child is already enrolled.
The Trap of Outsourcing Education
Farida’s story is a case in point. Her two daughters, enrolled in a rigorous coaching schedule, lost interest in everything but tests. Her son, added to the coaching roster, stopped talking about anything other than academics. Farida felt she couldn’t help with subjects like math and science, believing them to be the domain of specialists. This is a dangerous misconception.
In reality, parents have much to offer beyond academic coaching. They can provide a rich, real-world context that no textbook can. You don’t need to re-teach trigonometry; you need to keep the child’s mind agile. Ask them to explain a chapter as if you were the student. Let them use the tools around the house to make abstract concepts tangible. Refuse the fourth worksheet of the evening in favor of a walk, where the only task is to notice five different things. This is not “extra work”; it is an essential part of nurturing a child’s mind.
The Reality of “Hands-On” Parenting
Hands-on parenting does not mean hovering over your child or completing their projects. It’s about being present without taking over, setting standards without humiliation, and creating a home environment richer than any worksheet. It’s about showing genuine interest without commandeering their learning process.
Even if both parents work long hours—like millions do—a mere forty minutes of undivided attention can outweigh hours of passive learning in a coaching center. A working parent is not a failed parent. The real failure lies in believing that education can be wholly outsourced.
Technology and Coaching: Aids, Not Replacements
Technology and coaching can support learning but cannot replace the irreplaceable: a loving, motivated parent who knows their child intimately. I have seen this in my own practice. Patients who are engaged in their treatment plans are often more successful than those who rely solely on the medical system. The same principle applies to education.
A Personal Conviction
In my journey as an angel investor, I’ve seen how startups thrive because founders are deeply involved in every aspect of their business. They don’t just outsource the problem and hope for the best. Parents should take a page from this book. Be deeply involved in your child’s education, not just in terms of paying for it but in actively participating.
As I wrap up this musing, I urge you to reassess what parental responsibility in education truly means. It’s not about doing everything yourself, nor is it about relegating everything to institutions. It’s about finding a balance where you remain an integral part of your child’s educational journey. Because at the end of the day, a loving, motivated parent in the loop will beat a bored system every time.