Part 14 of 17 in The Engaged Indian Teen
I’ve been thinking lately about the subtle ways we often misstep with love—those quiet, unnoticed habits that accumulate over time. Last week, during a conversation with a founder I backed, the topic of love’s missteps came up, and I couldn’t help but draw parallels between his startup journey and what I observe daily in my IVF practice. This conversation lingered in my mind, not just because of its depth but because of its universality. The way we handle love, whether in relationships or in our passions, often shapes the outcomes more than we realize.
In my experience as an IVF specialist, I’ve witnessed numerous couples navigate the rocky terrain of infertility. Many come to me with a singular goal: to have a child. Yet, in their pursuit, there’s often a layer of misdirected effort—an unspoken assumption that more effort always translates to better outcomes. It’s akin to founders who believe that more funding will inherently solve all their startup woes. But just as in entrepreneurship, in love, the quality of our attention often trumps the quantity of our actions.
One of the most common missteps I see in relationships, especially those put to the test by infertility, is the tendency to treat the process as a series of tasks to be ticked off. I had a couple in my clinic recently who were so focused on ‘getting it right’—the right treatment, the right timing—that they had forgotten to nurture their connection. Their conversations had become transactional, centred around appointments and treatments, rather than about each other. The irony is glaring, isn’t it? In the pursuit of creating new life, we sometimes neglect the life we have together.
This mirrors what I often observe in the startup ecosystem. Founders can become so fixated on achieving milestones—raising the next round, hitting the next growth target—that they overlook the foundational culture of their team. They forget that the essence of their company is not just in its valuation but in the shared vision and camaraderie of those building it. In both domains, I advocate pausing to recalibrate, to remind ourselves of the underlying purpose.
Another misstep is how we often confuse busyness with progress. In the educational reform space, I’ve seen parents equate their child’s packed schedule with success. They buy hours of tuition instead of designing moments of genuine curiosity and learning. The phone becomes the villain, and the timetable, the hero. But what if we’re looking at it all wrong? I’ve often argued that we should be cultivating an environment where children can explore without the fear of failure. This is not just about creating the next topper but nurturing a child who knows how to think, to want, and to love learning.
I recall a time when a young founder confided in me about his struggles with maintaining personal relationships while building his company. His admission was raw, and it struck a chord with me. We often underestimate the emotional toll that our pursuits can take on our personal lives. The same grit that drives a founder to persevere can sometimes create walls between them and their loved ones. It’s a delicate balance—one that requires conscious effort to maintain.
In both medicine and investing, I’ve learned that fear can be a powerful motivator, but it’s often a poor guide. Many parents use fear as a tool, believing it worked on them, so it must work on their children. Similarly, founders often operate out of fear of failure, which can lead to hasty decisions and burnout. But fear, unchecked, narrows our vision and diminishes our capacity for empathy and understanding. Instead, cultivating an environment of trust and openness, whether in a family or a startup, creates resilience.
I’ve found that one of the most profound truths in both my fields is the importance of presence. In the IVF clinic, I’ve seen how simply being present and attentive to a patient’s concerns can transform their experience. Similarly, in the startup world, founders who remain present and engaged with their teams foster a culture of support and innovation. It’s about being there, truly listening, and acknowledging the humanity in front of you.
For fathers, especially in Indian homes, there’s a particular narrative we need to challenge. Too often, the father is the bearer of verdicts, the one who swoops in with the final say. But what if we shifted that narrative? What if fathers became the ones who asked about ideas, who admitted when they didn’t have all the answers, and who were there for the walk after the argument? When authority becomes play, listening, and apology, it transforms from noise into music.
And for mothers who are already doing too much, there’s a misconception that hands-on parenting is just another shift in their already packed schedules. But it’s not about doing more; it’s about changing the quality of the interactions. It’s about asking better questions, being less about control and more about support. Sometimes, this means recruiting help—whether it’s from a partner, a tutor, or even technology—to ensure that you’re not shouldering the entire emotional load alone.
In closing, the common thread in these observations is the need for intentionality in love—whether it’s love for a partner, a child, a startup, or even oneself. It’s about the quality of our presence, the courage to confront our fears, and the wisdom to nurture connections over accomplishments. Love, like any worthwhile endeavor, thrives on attention, patience, and honesty.
As I navigate these domains, I find comfort in the parallels and the lessons they offer. The challenges of an IVF patient often reflect the uncertainties faced by a startup founder, as I’ve explored in pieces like From Angel Investor to Fertility Coach: What Founders and Patients Have in Common. Both journeys are tests of resilience and faith in the unseen. They remind us that while missteps are inevitable, they are also opportunities to learn and grow.
So here’s to embracing the quiet missteps, to reflecting on our intentions, and to nurturing the love that fuels our lives. Whether in the clinic, the boardroom, or at home, let us strive to be present, to listen, and to love with intention.