The most common complaint that IVF patients have is that their husbands are completely clueless about the treatment. And while most husbands are supportive and sympathetic, they don’t seem to know exactly what the wife is going through or any details about the actual treatment. This upsets a lot of women because they’re the ones taking the shots and taking the injections, and they do expect their husbands to be well-informed about what’s happening. And it’s not like you need to become an expert on IVF treatment yourself, but you do need to know what’s going on. Now a lot of husbands say, It’s okay, I’m happy to pay for the treatment, and I’m happy to support my wife, but what else does she want me to do? And the truth is, she does want a lot more. For one thing, she doesn’t want you to just say, Yes, it’s okay, even if we don’t have a baby or I’m only doing IVF because she wants me to do it. What she wants to hear is actual support—support that you understand her decision and that you understand why she wants a baby so badly and why she’s willing to put herself through injections in order to have a baby. And that’s why you need to learn to be a little more empathetic rather than take a distance approach. And a lot of husbands don’t seem to understand this because they feel, after all, that all she wants from me is that I am there for her, that I’m supportive of her decision, and that I’m happy to pay for the treatment and to provide the sperm sample. And if she wants, I’m happy to come for the actual scans. So why does she really expect me to do anything more? And the truth is, she expects more from you because you are her spouse, because you are a husband. This is a difficult time. And this is actually a great time for you to show what a great husband you are. Therefore, please take a little bit more intelligent interest in the treatment, including the medical details, so that you can ask the doctor intelligent questions and be supportive and understand what the blood test results mean, what the scans mean, or what the embryo photograph means. I can promise you that this will earn you a lot of brownie points, but more importantly, it will show your wife that you’re willing to walk the talk, that you’re not just being supportive by saying that you’re being supportive, that you actually mean it, and that you’re willing to take an active interest in the treatment. Don’t forget that it’s not just her baby; it’s your baby as well. And while it’s true that perhaps her biological desire to have a child may be much more than yours, just like you expect her to be supportive of your goals, dreams, and ambitions, that’s the least she expects from you. So please step up and don’t think that once you’ve paid for your treatment, you’ve done everything that she requires of her husband. The more you do, the more she will appreciate it because she is emotionally very labile and this can be a difficult ride for her. And this actually gives you a chance to show her how much you care, so that the more you read and the more you understand, the more helpful you’re going to be. And this is the kind of help she really requires at this difficult time in her life. And if you support her at this time, she will be able to support you in your time of need as well. So if for no other reason, then do it for selfish reasons. The good news is that there’s lots of information available on our YouTube channel as well as a comic book, and all of it has been simplified so that even husbands can understand exactly what an IVF cycle entails.
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