When an IVF cycle fails , patients are so distraught, disheartened, and disappointed , that they cannot think logically anymore . Their emotions cloud their ability to make the right judgment , and many of them go to pieces . They feel that if even an IVF cycle fails, this means they will never be able to have a baby , and are doomed to living a childless life. Sadly, many doctors contribute to this problem by overpromising success at the time of the transfer, telling the patient her cycle was perfect and her embryos were top quality. However, when the cycle fails, they start singing a different tune ! They can get away with this by refusing to share accurate medical information with the patient, by hiding photos of her embryos from her.
They tell the patient that they will need to use donor eggs , because the “egg quality was poor” ( whatever that means !), or donor sperm because her husband has a high number of abnormal sperm with a high DNA fragmentation index. This is incorrect advice, but doctors want to blame the patient for the failure! It’s also very profitable for the doctor , because the clinic can make much more money by offering third-party reproduction options, which are much more expensive.
After your cycle fails , please take a break and give yourself time to recover. You need to grieve over the failure – and then find the courage to move on. It helps to step back and look at the problem logically because the reality is you always have options . These include both non-medical options, as well as medical options. Thus, you may decide that you don’t want to do any more IVF cycles anymore, and are happy living life child-free . You can also explore the option of adopting a baby, rather than go through another IVF cycle . Honestly, this is a decision that only you can make , so that you are at peace with yourself .
On the other hand , if you do want to do another IVF cycle , your options are to stick with the same clinic, and follow your doctor’s advice. This is reasonable if you have a doctor you trust who transferred high-quality blastocysts into a receptive endometrium and showed you embryo photos.
Your doctor may recommend that you use donor eggs, which have a much higher success rate in older women and poor ovarian responders.If there are no sperm after a testicular sperm extraction, he may advise you to use donor sperm; or donor embryos. If your uterus is damaged, he may recommend surrogacy; however, all of these third-party reproductive options are extremely expensive and psychologically difficult to accept.
The good news is that rather than changing either the eggs, sperm , embryos or the uterus , you are often much better off changing your doctor – especially if you feel that your doctor has not been honest and upfront with you , and refused to share information by not giving you photographs of your embryos. These are “red flags” which suggest that you are receiving poor quality treatment . Finding a better doctor is your best option, and would increase your chances of getting pregnant considerably. Unfortunately, most patients are very reluctant to change doctors after a failed IVF cycle , because they feel that the doctor knows their case and will do a better job the second time around . However, this is just wishful thinking , and is completely irrational and illogical . Bad doctors don’t magically improve just because your IVF cycle failed !
If your IVF cycle fails, the very least you can do is seek a second opinion from another doctor who can provide you with an objective and honest assessment.
You can email Dr Malpani for a free second opinion by filling out the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion
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